Worse for wear

Today's drive on US 36 from St. Joseph to Smith Center was arduous and tiring. I hit rain near Highland and  it persisted to Marysville, where I stopped to use the restroom and get a drink and some snacks. I was dead tired between Washington and Belleville. I seriously was out of it. I stopped at an abandoned gas station in Belleville and dozed off for a minute or two before resuming the westward trip. 

I swear I should have left Kansas City much earlier so I could have gone I-70 to Salina and then north on 81 to Belleville so I could have maximized my time on the four-lane highways. Certainly going back all the way to Russell and north on 281 was not the way to do it, but right now, I'll do anything to avoid that 200-plus mile ride on 36. It gets repetitive after awhile, and today was the fourth time in less than three weeks I've done it going westbound.  

October 4 is not the best day for me. Has not been since 2004. First, it was the day in 2005 when I hit a deer with my Oldsmobile 88 on US 183 north of Hays. The Oldsmobile was totaled, and that was it for a Steinle family tradition of owning Oldsmobile vehicles which dated back to the 1960s, since the Oldsmobile line was discontinued by General Motors in 2004. Wouldn't you know I replace the Oldsmobile with a Pontiac Grand Prix, and in 2008, and in 2009, Pontiac was shuttered. That's why I couldn't go wrong with a Chevrolet. I hope. 

The second reason for hating October 4 it happens to be the birthday of the lady whom I thought was the love of my life. Renetta Rogers was born in San Diego on October 4, 1980, and in the summer of 2004, she came into my life stronger than an EF-5 tornado. God, I fell head over heels. I was in deep. Really deep. The world now revolved around her. Problem was, she had to still live with her parents due to severe brain injuries suffered in a 2000 automobile accident. It was bad. Really, really bad. Her parents were protective, and I don't blame them a bit. 

I still think about her all the time. I haven't talked to her in over four years, and there are days where I don't know why I bother. I feel so bad about it and I feel worse about myself. It makes me wonder what might have been.

I have a lot more memories to bring back about Renetta and her parents, but for now, Ell-Saline and Smith Center are two hours away. Maybe it will keep my mind occupied. 

It will be cold tonight. The temperature never got above 50 degrees (10 degrees Celsius in most of the civilized world), and the wind has picked up a little bit. If it is the least bit windy tonight, it will be even more miserable. I've brought plenty of layers, but it doesn't seem to do much good when that wind cuts through the layering.